I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
