im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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