I just pynch a tree in the face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
