you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
