you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I died a long time ago.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
