my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
