he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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