I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
