You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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