Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
