You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
