ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
