I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
