idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
