4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize