Umm I'm too high to move.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
