No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
