I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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