Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this boner is exhausting
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
