we have officially lost it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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