The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
