I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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