Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
