i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
