Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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