We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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