Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I deserve this hangover.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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