Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
