My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
