I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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