:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
