Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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