Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just had sex bonerless
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
