my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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