Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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