last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
