nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
