awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
