And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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