this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
