Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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