I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
