no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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