my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
