1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
