So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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