so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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