so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
