can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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