Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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