I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This house was built for laser tag.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
