so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
