Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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