my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
