You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
