I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
