it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
